Reasoable Man "Re-Convinced?"

I thought our discussion Thursday on sexual harassment was very interesting. The idea in Nonsuboridnation that most standards we have in society are based on maleness and male characteristics has been eye-opening. After class I was thinking more about the question of "reasonable man." I have a male friend who worked with me as a legal intern a while back. Our male superivsing attorney is gay, and it was kind a joke around the interns that he had a crush on this friend of mine. He would call him, text him and ask him to go out to bars with him. We were discussing all of that one day when my friend made a startling revelation. He said he finally understood what it was like to be a woman and be "pursued."

It had never really occurred to me that men do not understand what it is like to be pursued (at least not in the way that women do). If a woman is relentlessly pursued by a male there are often feelings of fear, powerlessness and humiliation. If a man is relentlessly pursued by a female there are often feelings of pride, power and arrogance. Those are very different responses - so I guess the question is, why are the responses different?

There is probably not just one answer, but I think one answer lies in the way men and women interact socially. Often times, men are assumed to be in control of situations even when they are not. Women are assumed to not be in control of situations even when they are. Thus, the feelings of power and powerlessness are dealt accordingly.

My intern friend and I talked further about his feelings. I asked him to clarify just what he meant when he said he now understood what it was like to be pursued like a female. He said he felt powerless, confused about what the appropriate response was, and to a certain level - even victimized. He said he had never had these feelings when he had been pursued by females (even ones he was not at all attracted to). I believe the reason he felt this way was due to the power shift. The person who was pursuing him was an attorney, a boss and an older male. Because of his station, age and sex, he had the power. My friend experienced for the first time what it was like to be in the submissive seat of a social interaction...and it completly changed his perceptions.

All of this causes me to think of the reasonable man standard and how most of the people who set "reasonable" standards are men. My friend would've set the standard one way a year ago. Now he would set the standard at an entirely different place. Have the circumstances changed? No - but the perceptions have.
On a sadder note, when I lamented to this friend about how a male attorney suggested I include a picture on my resume to help me land a job, his response was, "The system isn't perfect, Amy. You have to play the game." I give up.