Women and Men are not equal

When I was 15, the owner of the restaurant where I worked as a hostess would sit beside me and place his hand high on my thigh. A waitress in the restaurant approached me in my first or second week and warned me to watch out for him.

When I was 16, a male teacher at my highschool told me, while alone in his office, that he would date me if he were my age.

In undergrad I worked retail at an outdoor sporting goods store that required lots of employee/customer interaction. While working there I had to file police reports on two customer-turned-stalkers. One had tracked down my personal phone number and left agressive messages on my machine when I didn't reply. The other was found hiding behind a structure in the store watching me, and later jerked-off onto the driver's door of my car.

In my first legal internship, my supervising attorney asked a fellow intern if he was sleeping with me. When he replied that he wasn't, the attorney went on to explain what he would do if he were to sleep with me. He later told me that he would sleep with me. As if to make his comment more reasonable, he quickly added, "not because of how you look, but because of how you act."

In 2006, just a month after moving to Fort Worth, my upstairs neighbor broke into my apartment while my roommate (a female) and I were home. We later discovered that he had a key and had broken in and taken 'tokens' before.

Though sort of shocking when compiled this way, I don't consider my experiences to be much different then the average female. Stories such as these are so commonplace that they cease cause to be recounted. I'm sure that many women, while reading the above stories, are quick to think, "So what, ho-hum."

Formal equality mandates that women be treated equally to men. It argues that men and women are equal and therefore should be treated equally. Once applied, the standard to which men and women are to be equally held is the current male-centered standard. There is not a new standard that takes into account the addition of women to those being compared.

Women and men are not the same. As Dana mentioned in her blog concerning how she planned to raise a son versus a daughter, we are not raised in the same context, our experiences are not the same. While the above stories may be those of any young female, I doubt many young men share similar encounters.

The dissimilarities between men and women can be easily demonstrated by looking at women's versus men's exposure to sports:

My dad is an avid runner. At 54 he completed his second 50 mile race. He spends an enormous amount of time running. I started running with my dad when I was 14. Though I've never dedicated the time that he has, I have trained for, and completed lengthy races. In the course of training, I'm often faced with a contradiction from my dad--he encourages me to get in a certain number of miles each week, yet when I call him to let him know about a long run I've finished, he's quick to first ask me where I am and if it's dark out. While he trains on trails, pavement and treadmills at all hours of the morning, day and evening, he expects me to get in the same miles during the middle of the day alone. Our opporunities are not the same.

Instead of running, my addiction is road cycling. In 2003 I rode a bicycle across the United States--From Washington state to Maine. The number 2 question I'm always asked concerning the trip is "Weren't you afraid?" (The number 1 question is "How long did it take you?") Fear in this question is not in the context of falls, road rash, mountain descents...but in the context of men lurking in campsites, gas stations and youth hostels. The guy I completed the trip with is not asked these questions. He's applauded for his effort while I'm often questioned for putting myself at such a risk.

Our opportunities are not the same. Our experiences are not the same. And therefore our mindsets and reactions are not the same. We are--simply--not the same and pretending that we are does not achieve equality. Forcing women into the male-mold is not progress and should not appease us. I am not, and never will be, a reasonable man.