No Monetary Value for Homemakers!!!!

My husband and I were watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and it was quite enlightening. This episode touched on many of the classes' discussions. First, Raymond decided to invest in a friend's business venture before discussing it with his wife. He had the friend to come over and give a presentation to get Debra on board-well she didn't. But guess what? Raymond had already fronted the friend $1000, before he asked him to give the presentation-and couldn't get it back because the friend had spent all of the money on his preparation for the presentation. Go figure!!! While it appeared that Raymond and Debra were equally considering whether to use their pool of resources for this business venture, Raymond had already invested.

The episode continues with Raymond trying to slip in his misfortune on losing their $1000 and pre-emptively fronting his friend the money by bringing up a time when Debra gave a homeless man a $5 bill when she didn't have change-and she did not worry about it because the guy obviously needed it more than she did. During the discussion following Raymond's confession and their differing opinions about having to discuss how to allocate finances, Raymond says the unthinkable-if he wants to invest in his friend's business he doesn't have to discuss it because it is his money!!! He made the money!!!

The next day, after Debra slept downstairs, she had composed a list of expenses for Raymond, charging him for full time child care, full time chef, housekeeping, etc.-demanding payment for the things she does daily that do not usually translate into monetary value. I was internally cheering, because I knew what she was talking about and also flashed to class discussions. Women handle millions of tasks daily whether they choose to stay at home or circumstances place them on the homefront. The family would not function as smoothly, if she did not carry out all that she does in a day. However, society and individuals regularly overlook this and grant no real value-monetary or otherwise. While women are already personally dealing with the issue of financial dependence on another if she is a homemaker, it digs the knife in that much deeper when the man, who has decided to be her husband, supposed 'family provider', lover, etc., has the audacity to say out loud (even if thinking it) that "I make the money and its mine to decide how to spend it". If married and a unit, then discussion of how the family's resources are allocated should take place-regardless of how the pool got there.

Which brings me to another point in the show. While Debra is discussing with Raymond his actions, it comes out that she has on occassion handled funds without discussing it with Raymond. She borrowed money to handle some household needs and replaced it without mentioning it. So, they decide to discuss from this point on and agree to let this instance go and call it even. The show ends with Raymond saying, I work for her don't I? His brother answers in the affirmative.

Both sides should discuss their plans for finances from the family's resources. This presents questions of equality in the realm of expectations in a marriage, role designations, etc. My husband and I discussed these things following the show, and though we disagree on many points-he makes some valid arguments. Is it equal for men's finances to automatically be considered 'the family's resources' without discussion and women have a say in how allocation works, but then when women get money it is not understood that it will primarily be 'the family's resources'-there is little or no discussion on how to allocate and even with opposition-the decision is usually singularly made and carried out by the woman? Well, my response included talk of role designations and the ideal situation. When men decide to be husbands/fathers, it comes with certain responsibilities-including providing for the 'family'. If women are working, their income should be included in the 'family's resources' to take care of necessities first, but if they are not working and unpaid-their pool of resources is still the 'family's resources'-even if she has not financially contributed to that pool.

I believe that it is fair for both sides to openly discuss and contribute; however, I know that realistically some discussions will come after the act is already done. I know this has been a mouthful, but I was thrilled to have something relevant to the class to share and discuss at home too.